Random of ness
by Mrs.Rathboner
Summary: When the Cullens use MSN all sorts of crazy things start to happen. Also includes just random scene's now.
1. SEX DEPRIVED

**Bella signs on**

Edward: Hey beautiful.

Bella: Hey Edward, what's up?

Edward: Nothing Really, I just miss you

Bella: You can always come to my place?

Edward: I thought I would fit into the 'crowd' like a normal teenager and use MSN

Bella: You type fast

Edward: I have more amazing skills with my fingers baby ;)

Bella: Oh I see. :)

Edward: What does ily mean?

Bella: I love you

Edward: Thanks love, but what does ily mean.

Bella: Sigh* it means I Love You = ILY

Edward: Oh okay.

Bella: Why?

Edward: Lauren keeps telling me that she loves me in that case.

**Lauren has been added to this conversation**

Bella: Care to explain Lauren?

Lauren: Explain what?

Bella: ILY? Really?

Lauren: It's not my fault he is totally dreamy

Edward: Why thankyou.

Bella: Shut the fuck up Edward. And Lauren if you ever tell my boyfriend that you love him again, I am going to steal one of Charlie's guns and shoot you

**Lauren has left the conversation**

Edward: Feisty.

Bella: How would you like it if Jacob Black kept telling me he loved me?

Edward: AW PUPPY LOVE!

Bella: GRRR

**Blocks Edward**

**5 seconds later**

**Unblocks Edward**

Bella: Sorry, I lost my temper

Edward: No problem love.

**Alice has been added to this conversation **

Alice: HEY!

Bella: Hi

Edward: Alice how did you manage to add YOURSELF into the conversation?

Alice: Oh young naive Edward, I have my ways.

Bella: Alice what do you do when you're sex deprived?

Alice: Fuck Jasper, why?

Bella: Edward won't give me any.

Alice: We can have a threesome, you me and the Jazzmister.

Bella: Intriguing....

Edward: Absolutely not Bella! If you want to fuck get your ass over to my place now!

Bella: Sorry Eddie, right now I am harvesting my crops on Facebook and if I went to fuck you they would wither!

Alice: OMG I'm gonna send you a gift!

Bella: Okay!

Edward: Wtf?

Bella: Get with the times Eddie

Edward: No more Farmville gifts for you bitch

**Logs off**

Alice: What's up his bum?

Bella: Apparently, not me.

Alice: Oh, ew.

Bella: That didn't come out right.

Alice: Indeed.

**Jasper has been added to this conversation **

Jasper: I just reached level 50 in WoW!

Bella: Go Jasper! Fucking awesome man.

Alice: Jazz how would you feel about a threesome with young Bella here.

Jasper: Anything for you dear. What about Edward though?

Bella: Edwards PMSing.

Jasper: I'm SO glad Alice doesn't get all those stupid human womanly problems.

Bella: Hello, I'm still here, and I STILL get them

Alice: that's okay Bella you'll be one of us before you know it.

Jasper: mmmm

Bella: Oh I g2g Dads home and he can't catch me watching porno on the computer!

Alice: Nice! HI-FIVE*


	2. Penis who?

Jaycawb: Hey Bella

Bellz: Hey Jake

Jaycawb: I'm just curious as to whether you'd be turned on if I told you I wanted to do it doggy style while in wolf form.

Bellz: Dude that's gross I don't want your doggy dick up my vag

Jaycawb: Leah liked it! Gawd *runs off and cries*

Bellz: *vomits*

**Emmett has been added into this conversation**

Bellz: Emmett Jacob wants to fuck me as a dog!

Emdiddy: Oh um, that's gross.

Jaycawb: Its all natural baby

Emdiddy: I would particularly call you natural dog.

Jaycawb: Just cuz im hawt

Bellz: If you are so hot why did I choose Edward?

Jaycawb: Cause you have a thing for twinkling gay men with small penises?

**bella has left the conversation**

Emmett: My penis beats all! muahahah


	3. Sparklingdouche

Aliceofthefuture: Hey Edward!

Sparklingdouche: Alice of the future?

Aliceofthefuture: Hey it suits me okay! What about sparklingdouche?!

Sparklingdouche: This may or not be Bella fucking with Edwards account.

Aliceofthefuture: You're so devious!

Sparklingdouche: I know! Dickward laughed at me when I fell over and landed in Mike Newtons lap. So this is pay back.

Aliceofthefuture: You did WHAT?

Sparklingdouche: Twas an accident alikins.

Aliceofthefuture: That IS funny! Hahahahah!

Sparklingdouche: *runs off crying

Aliceofthefuture: *runs after Bella and laughs in her face

Sparklingdouche: Fuck you. Oh gotta go Edweiner is here.

Aliceofthefuture: OK!

**Edward has left this conversation**

**Rosalie had been added to the conversation**

BMWFTW: Hey Alice

Aliceofthefuture: I wanna go shoooopppiing!

BMWFTW: Can't Emmett is going to be home soon and we havn't had sex in like a whole 13 hours!

Aliceofthefuture: We're vampires, 13 hours is fucking nothing you idiot.

BMWFTW: Don't swear it doesn't suit you.

Aliceofthefuture: Neither did that skirt you wore yesterday

BMWFTW: :O Fuck you Alice Cullen Whitlock Hale!

Aliceofthefuture: As long as Jasper does.

BMWFTW: Oh um ew.

**Bella has been added to the conversation**

Aliceofthefuture: Rosalie why do you hate Bella?

Bellz: Alice, why do you have to make everything awkward

BMWFTW: I do not hate Bella, I just think she isn't pretty enough to have Edward.

Bellz: And I just think you are a pretentious bitch.

Aliceofthefuture: VENT IT OUT

BMWFTW: Shut the fuck up Alice or I'll run upstairs and rip the tiny little spike of a head you have off.

Bellz: That's one thing we have in common.

BMFTW: OMGZ LETS BE BFFLS

Bellz: OKAY! Lets go shopping!

Aliceofthefuture: What!? Why does everyone hate me!

**Alice has left the conversation**

Bellz: We got her good

BMWFTW: Yeah, whatever.


	4. No pleasing

Bella: Hey Edward, how come when you were chucked into the mirror by James you didn't sparkle in the sun?

Edward: I was trying to look manly alright!

Bella: You didn't look so manly when you walked out into the sun in Italy and had one bigger nipple than the other, that shit is just repulsive.

Edward: There's no pleasing you is there?!


	5. Count Chocula

Edward: Bella, me Jasper and Emmett want to know who your favourite vampire is in all of history!

Jasper: It's me right?

Emmett: She likes jocks! Not the emotional kind!

Bella: um...

Edward: Shut up Bella! WE ALL KNOW IT'S ME!

Bella: Actually....

Edward: Wha what???

Jasper: I knew it was me!

Emmett: NO IT'S ME! -throws an elephant-

Bella: I was actually going to say Count Chocula...

E + Em + J: What?


	6. Emotions

Jasper: If you're happy and you know it clap your hands!

Bella: Nessie just died! Why would we be happy?

Jasper: I'll make you happy! -uses empathy-

Bella: Oh jasper oh god yes!!

Jasper: oops wrong emotion, hold on.


	7. Jonas Brothers

Emaaaat: Do you like my name?

Edwardo: If I didn't know any better I'd think your name was Ema or something

Emaaaaat: That's the joke! You have to know who I am to get it!

Edwardo: you're an idiot...

Emaaaat: Yeah, well, you're a virgin. Hahahahah!

Edwardo: I'm just waiting for the right girl to come along alright.

Emaaaat: You're 108 for christ's sake, you have got some SERIOUS issues my friend.

Edwardo: -sigh-

Emaaaaat: Is it degrading to know that the Jonas Brothers are beating you?

Edwardo: very.


End file.
